so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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