I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
