He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
