Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
