Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Still dying that you shit outside
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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