you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
