i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just cut my nipple shaving
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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