you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
