are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
