I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
