I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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