how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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