I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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