You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
