but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
