Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
