im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
