i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
