i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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