weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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