I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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