someone get that fucking seahorse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
