I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
