It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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