At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
