Where did you get a picture of my penis
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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