So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
