im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
