Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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