We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
