I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
