Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
