I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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