Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
