If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
