oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need water and some morals
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
