He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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