...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize