i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
