mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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