Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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