my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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