i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
