Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
