Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
