I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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