If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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