: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its not stalking. its research.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
