The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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