Please, let me fuck your mom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis