I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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