ADVERTISEMENT

• (519): View more from Ontario

  who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line

  Fav 19 4448 873

  share tweet
  

• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

  Fav 39 1758 4687

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

  Fav 30 6052 1485

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

  Fav 19 2243 7725

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.

  Fav 7 3431 1345

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

  Fav 7 3774 1361

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

  Fav 16 6282 2276

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.

  Fav 6 2628 1035

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text

  Fav 28 1876 924

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  Bringing families together since 1987

  Fav 2 824 536

  share tweet
  

• (469): View more from Texas

  His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.

  Fav 5 510 780

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life

  Fav 2 475 774

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  What the hell happened to my hand?

  (646): View more from New York

  Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".

  Fav 0 813 472

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o

  Fav 1 480 397

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (816): View more from Missouri

  Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.

  Fav 0 347 540

  share tweet
  

Randomize