and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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