Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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