Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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