Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
