saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
