woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
