this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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