Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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