Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
