somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
