u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
