I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
