had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
