I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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