I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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