idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
