So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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