There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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