Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
