I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
