I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
