woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
