I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
