Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
