Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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