at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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