I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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