just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
