I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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