You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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