we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
