His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
